I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
