On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
