it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
