Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my sisters under your porch take her home
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
