Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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