hotel room ftw
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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