I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
