i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
