I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we have pet lesbian snakes
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
