Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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