Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
