Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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