batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
