When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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