took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
