Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
There's even glitter on my cock...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
