was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
