Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
