Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
