as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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