Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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