Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
