i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
