I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
