i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
