she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
well you can't waste a boner
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
