im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
