Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
