They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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