soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just want to make out with him forever
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
