Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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