you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
