And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
