I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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