dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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