i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
