Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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