have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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