I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
