Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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