I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize