She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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