I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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