watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
