I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
