Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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