She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
