why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
