so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
