you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
