there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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