hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
