i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
