So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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