wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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