I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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