i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
