She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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