Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
porn star boner night. come get it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
