girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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