MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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