i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
