I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
