Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
