I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
is wine microwaveable?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
