And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I love you. Go after that dick
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize