Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
