i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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