covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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