Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
