you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
