pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize