i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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