just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
