We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
