I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
