i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize