I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
