did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize